Loving a growing body

IMG_0435_v2_cropI haven’t posted a lot of body positive stuff in a while and I want to talk about that for a moment now that it’s no longer a secret that I have a bun in the oven.

A few months before I got pregnant I started gaining some weight – and then some more during pregnancy (naturally). And while I think all bodies are beautiful no matter their size, I did have some mixed feelings about my body changing. It’s not always easy to notice and address my emotions while I’m in the midst of it all, but it’s more clear to me now that I get some distance to it.

I didn’t realize at first that the weight was bothering me at all. I felt fine with the person looking back at me in the mirror and wasn’t hating my body or anything. But the thing is, I haven’t been too keen on showing it off either. It’s been fine as long as it’s hidden under large sweaters and some loose fitting pants, but it has felt a little icky once the clothes got removed.

You don’t have to be comfortable with showing your naked body to the whole world to be body positive. Loving your body does not mean the same thing for everybody. It will look different for each of us. But I know what it means to me and I love to take pictures of my naked body and have never been embarrassed to show it off so for me to suddenly feel uncomfortable with that means it’s time for me to check in with myself and see if everything is ok. And to be completely honest it hasn’t been.

As a Non Binary person that struggles with dysphoria from time to time, having my body changing in a way that emphasise my feminine features has been challenging. My belly is getting larger every day, and so is my breasts – which is the most difficult part for me. I’ve desperately wanted to be one of those pregnant people who embrace their changing bodies and feels beautiful all the time, and I’m working on it. I’m just not quite there yet.

What’s great though is it only took me to realize, acknowledge and accept that within myself for the negative feelings to slowly start to fade. Body acceptance and self love is not something that happens over night, it’s a journey. And that is ok.

I’ve started experimenting with taking some photos of myself again, and it’s helping a lot with regaining my confidence and body positive attitude. On the pictures bellow I tried to make art out of my difficult emotions towards my body by embodying the darkness within.

My body was different half a year ago than it is today. My body will continue to change in the time to come. But by not attaching myself to what I looked liked 6 months ago or what I looks like today, I can try to embrace the changes that is to come. My body will take me on a weird and wonderful journey this year, and I’m gonna try my best to love and accept it as much as I can. I just need to have some patience.