Here i sit burning the pictures from my past over a lit candle and feeling a little nostalgic thinking back to those times. But it also feels good to let go of these pictures that no longer represents what they once did. Letting go, of both material things, thoughts, feelings and my need for control has brought me to this moment right now. As I stare at the pictures dissolving and slowly turning to ashes I can feel my body loosen and my mind soften. I feel grateful for this moment, and in awe of what a magical, scary but most of all empowering journey that has brought me here.
I was holding on for so long, afraid to let go because the uncertainty of what the future could hold was too challenging to deal with. “It’s safer to stay in a place that is not too joyful, but at least stable – than to jump on to the train that leads to an uncertain future”.
Letting go of the thing I was clinging to, and jumping on to the train felt terrifying, but also comfortable like taking of a tight shoe after a long day. As the train drove of into the fog I felt certain that no matter what was waiting on the other side, I had made the right choice.
The wise man Ram Dass tells a story about these boxes he has, that contains important papers and pictures from his past. Everytime he moves (which he does a lot) he needs to have an UPS truck move his boxes for him. He never takes anything out of the boxes to look at them, he just adds more stuff, collecting more boxes. At some point Ram Dass realizes that holding on to these items is holding on to the thought that he is going to run out of “now”. Run out of the present. So he decides to burn all the items and let them go.
So this is what I’m sitting here doing. Burning these pictures from the past and realizing that I will never run out of the present. And the present will always be more interesting and important than the past. It’s this very moment right now that holds all the potential and possibilities, and it’s only in this exact moment I exist. The me that existed 5 minutes ago is no longer with us, and the me that will be in 5 minutes has not yet taken form. I can obsess about the past or dream about the future, but that is not where I exist. I do not have the power to change what is done, and I do not control the future. But I can control the now, so that’s where I’ll be.