“Be the best version of yourself”. I have found the words appealing for quite some time, but it has been too elusive or vague for me to grasp their true meaning. It would perhaps be easier to wrap my head around it if the concept were a little more concrete.
As I went for a walk the other day, I could not help but wonder how I was gonna embark on the journey of becoming “the best version of myself” if I couldn’t even understand what that meant.
For as long as I can remember, I have been a person that largely has let myself be controlled by my emotions. I still am. And I seem to become a different person depending on which emotions is “in charge”. I’m always me, I’m just different versions of me.
That was when it hit me. Different versions of myself! Who were they, and which one was the best? If i could just identify them all and create some kind of overview I would be able to point at the one with the best traits and make sure that was the one I would let be in charge. So that is exactly what I spent the past couple of days doing: some REAL self-examination. After going through all of them, I have found that there are 8 main versions:
This one knows how to act and react rationally and solve the everyday struggles of life. She knows that if someone says “sorry, I don’t have time to hang out with you today” that doesn’t mean “I don’t like you”, it simply means that this particular day is not a good time. She also knows that if a store is out of beer, she can go to another store to buy the beer, but that the best choice for her health would probably be to skip the beer all together.
This version is the one I have identified as my favorite. She loves every human and animal on the planet and care deeply about solving issues about the environment, animal- and human rights. The Zen Goddess accepts and loves herself and feel good in her own body, and knows how to respond calmly and lovingly to every person she meet no matter their differences. She is a good friend and can listen to others talk without interrupting with her own stories.
This one wants to have stuff for herself and gets cranky if she has to share with others. It’s hard for her to be happy for others if they have something she wants desperately but can’t get. The Ego Asshole will interrupt other people’s stories to tell them about how she experienced the same thing, only her story is more exciting because she is in it.
Aka “my own worst critic”. She loves standing in the way of every goddamn good thing she wants to do, and make sure to constantly remind herself that her attempts of spreading love and wisdom is awkward and pretentious. She is the one that put of making this blog for so long because it felt too shameful.
This one is pretty much the opposite of the rational thinker. She snaps at every little thing and lashes out on people, sometimes for no reason. The Rage Monster has absolutely no ability to keep calm in a discussion and ends up screaming in people’s faces. If someone disagree with her political views she will make them feel unwelcome and attacked.
This girl right here is the most fun person to hang out with if you too are completely shitfaced on a night out. If you’re not though, the feelings might be a little bit different. She drinks uncontrollably, sings loudly and does inappropriate stuff in public. The Party Animal takes zero responsibility for her actions and does not care about anything else than enjoying herself – at any cost.
This version naturally does not sit well with the queens and kings of political correctness. She only comes out of her dark-humor-cave when accompanied by certain people as sick and twisted as herself. She tells jokes about the things you shall not joke about and feels no shame about it.
This one is the version that sometimes takes control over all the other versions and washes over them with total darkness so that there is no space left for anything else. It’s the only version that I have found to be completely uncontrollable and all-consuming. Luckily The Depressed have kept her distance for a while now and rarely comes around during spring- and summertime.
So that’s it then. End of my self-examination project. I found out that I like “The Zen Goddess” version of myself the best, so that is the one I’m gonna try to be all the time, right?
The thing I realized is: All of these versions live inside of me, and I don’t think I can completely get rid of any of them. I don’t even know if I want to. I can have them talk to each other, work it out and hopefully one day be able to live peacefully together, accepting that some of them have to step back and take less space while others blossom and grow.
This is the palette of my personality, but I can choose how much of each color to paint my life with. I think that is what being the best version of myself means.
🌈After all, what would the rainbow be without all of its colors? A really fucking lame rainbow.